OK.  So you've just lost your job.  You might have felt it coming and even started making plans around it.  But when it happens, you're still shaken.  Suddenly your career path is no longer in your own hands -- someone else is making life decisions on your behalf.  It doesn't matter if you loved, hated, or felt indifferent about your job, you're adrift.  You leave the office on that last day (remember those photos of the Lehman staffers walking out with all their personal stuff in a box and sad-looking plants popping out?  Now that's you).  What do you do?

Go Home and Stay There

"Stuart" did it all wrong.  He sent out emails and let everyone know he was job-hunting.  He got on LinkedIn and started sourcing out other contacts.  He arranged coffee meetings to spread the word, get other names, get advice.  I've known him for 15 years (he's a former candidate, a former client and a great guy) and I was happy to reconnect.  We met at a Starbucks, gave each other a big bear hug and settled down with hot drinks.  Within 10 seconds I knew this was a mistake.

Stuart was exhausted and down, upset and scared.  He'd worked non-stop for 25 years in positions of increasing responsibility in an industry that favors youth. Now that it was over he did what he thought he should do -- he threw himself into landing the next job, eager to position himself as ready to find the next challenge.  But his demeanor showed just the opposite.  He slumped, he kept rubbing his eyes, he couldn't admit why he left his current job; "it was just time for a change," he kept saying.  But when you're 50+ leaving a stable job in a horribly rocky time, that answer is just too hard to believe.   He hadn't thought clearly through what he might want in his next role and was vague about interests: "I've always been interested in non-profits" he said, but when I asked him about the volunteer work he's done, he admitted he didn't like committees and didn't think his salary needs could be accommodated in a non-profit setting.  He asked for some advice.

I told him to go home.  Take a vacation.  Hang with his wife whom I know he adores.  Take a nap.  Disappear and get the angst out of his system before putting himself in front of people.  Setting up meetings now just reinforces how completely unready he is for work and people won't forget that.  With every conversation and every meeting he was just digging himself deeper in a hole.

Crying At An Interview -- Not A Good Sign

"Zach" was just the opposite.  We didn't know each other before this interview and he bounced into our meeting, full of energy and charming.  He's a copywriter by background with great leadership experience.  He had been wooed away from a job he liked very much with the promise of money and autonomy to run a department at a new advertising agency.  He joined on, got to work, and was fired within 8 months -- they changed strategies, they said, and no longer would fund this division.  I saw him within a week or two after it happened and he seemed to have shrugged it off as a bad move -- everyone has one of those, don't they?  They do, I said.  We've all made job-choice mistakes and after a bit of time passes, they're not such a big deal.  I said something innocuous about what a shame it was, though, to have left a job he liked for this one. 

He was quiet for a second and then he started crying.  Really crying.  Sobbing. Sniffling.  Dripping.  He couldn't believe how stupid he was, he said, to have gotten swayed by a big title and salary.  He was angry at himself, worried that he let his family down, and scared about the future.  My advice was the same:  Go home.  Stop talking to people until you can be sure your emotions are in check.  Relax and get over this, but stop talking to people until you do.

Would you hire you?

Remember that saying "you only get one chance to make a first impression"?  It's true.  People will peg you and categorize you quickly, when they're evaluating you as a candidate and you won't get another chance.  Depressed, insecure and seemingly unstable aren't particularly desirable characteristics.  Go home.  Take care of yourself.  Talk with people who love you and when you and they actually see evidence that you can talk about your job change with a truly positive demeanor, then you can pick up your job search.  Not one minute before.

Trust me on this one.