Tuesday’s post talked about the tornado that often hits when a great employee resigns. Never has there been quite so many people in your office, suddenly letting you know how valued you are, how much everyone loves you, how more money/a better title/higher-profile assignments were JUST ABOUT to come your way! Suddenly everyone has an opinion about the company you’re joining – it’s a sweatshop! They’re about to have lay-offs! I knew someone who worked there and hated it! The world will end if you actually leave!

 

It’s incredibly hard to withstand this pressure. A candidate motivated to leave will stay on script, accept the compliments gracefully and deflect the criticisms elegantly. She might say “I know, I’m probably crazy to go, but I have to do this. For me.” Within a three or four days, people will start leaving you alone to finish out your lame duck period.

 

Watch out -- that’s when it gets bad.

 

Even the most motivated person has tiny doubts. You’re leaving something you know for something you don’t know. Your mind starts racing.  What if they’re right? What if it IS a sweatshop? What if they ARE about to have lay-offs? And what if the only person you didn’t take to during your interviews there becomes your boss and you hate it?

 

I’ve had candidates call at all hours, nervous, confused, and emotional, and frantically trying to devise an exit plan – how can they get out of this? Even the ones who don’t call often ruefully confess later their roller-coaster of emotions.

 

While there are circumstances where it really might be better to wiggle your way out of that new job (serious, non-gossipy information, for example, which significantly changes the playing field), it’s best to know that buyer’s remorse will happen and you will get over it. It took a lot for you to get that job – often numerous interviews over a long period of time, a good deal of thought, and significant issues at your current workplace which led you to job-hunt in the first place. Everything that brought you to this point is still true. Calm down and think logically. This is an exciting new opportunity. Change is nerve-wracking but especially when you bring it on yourself, it’s almost always for the better.

 

Start work at the new place you chose. Throw yourself into it with an open mind and great spirit. How can it not be a great experience?

Oh No. What Have I DONE??

It’s all done. The job you’ve been hoping for came through. The offer’s a good one – you’ve accepted it, resigned and celebrated with your friends. That should be it, right? Wrong. Now comes the hard part.  

 

Prepare Yourself

 The onslaught is just beginning. People will be coming into your office and saying one or more of the following lines:

 

“What! But we were just about to promote you! I’ve got the paperwork sitting on my desk! You can’t leave!”

 

Or

 

“You’re one of us! How can you leave us? We need you! We must have done something wrong to not let you know how much you’re valued here!”

 

Or

 

“Is it money? Do you need more? Things are a bit tight but I’m sure we could figure something out!”

 

Or

 

“We were just talking about you in our management meeting! We have big plans for you!”

 

And sometime after this, they’ll start trash-talking about your new company. “Oh, them … I know someone who worked there and hated it.” “Why would you go THERE? Have you SEEN the work they do?”

 

If you’ve done your job well, they’ll try hard to keep you. If they sense a wavering in your conviction to leave, the pressure will increase. They’ll ask you to think it over, take some time, they’ll send in the big guns. They’ll offer more money, more time off, more interesting projects. “Just stay,” they’ll say. “We’ll make it right.”

 

Stay The Course

It’s incredibly hard to withstand this pressure and some people cave and stay. The only trouble is the issues that drove them to interview to the point of an offer in the first place don’t go away with a title or salary change. I’m sure you’ve read those “Job Satisfaction” lists which show things like title and salary falling something like 9^th in order of importance. And there’s another statistic which says that 85% of people who accept a counter-offer are gone within a year – all those promises which kept them there never quite seem to materialize.

 

So, here’s how to resign:

 

Go to your boss. Sit and say “I’ve accepted another job. This has been an incredible experience for me. I’ve learned so much and I’m so grateful for the opportunity. But it’s time for me to move on.” And then, when the onslaught happens, keep repeating some form of this.  I know it seems impossible, but try, very hard, not to react and respond to either the promises or the trash-talk. It’s so tempting – you’re FINALLY hearing all the things you’ve wanted to hear from them and if they sense an opening, the compliments and adoration will keep coming – who wouldn’t like that? But think about it. Isn’t it just a little too late? Why haven’t all these accolades come to you before? I’m not suggesting you admonish anyone for any lack of attention earlier, but if you urge the conversation on, it’ll be that much harder to extricate yourself when it’s time to leave.

 

Practice Your Lines

Stay on script. There are many ways of saying “it’s just time for me to move on” (ex: “an incredible opportunity came to me” “I need to do this for my personal growth.” “I see my career moving in a different path than what’s available here.” “I want to take a risk while I can.” “I feel like I need to shake things up for myself” etc.). Don’t complain, don’t make it personal, don’t point out flaws in your current company. You’ve been there awhile – you must have learned something during that time and they’ve been kind enough to keep you employed. Be grateful for the time you’ve had there and gracefully, move on.

 

And see Thursday’s post, because, trust me, buyer’s remorse will hit soon. Stay tuned…

How To Resign