“Tim” called last week. A media professional who was laid off just a few weeks ago, he quickly scored several interviews for actual positions (not informational!) – a testimony to his perseverance and reputation, and a glimmer of hope that some positions are actually opening up in his town. He needed some advice. He had devoted hours of interview time to two companies and felt the meetings had gone pretty well. He ended them with the right question; “When do you think you’ll be making a decision?” Both companies assured him he’d be hearing back from them shortly. One was specific – within a week, his interviewer told him.

A week passed and Tim heard nothing. He sent a respectful query email. He left a gentle voice mail and heard nothing. He waited a few more days. Nothing. By the time he called me he was seething (he’s a gentleman so his seething is remarkably polite, but still, I could tell he was upset). “How can they do this? How can they behave this way? Even if I didn’t get the job, wouldn’t they have the decency to let me know?”

You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But you’d be amazed to learn just how many times I hear from candidates who have spent hours and days out of their lives interviewing with a company and never hear a thing. (There’s one advertising agency in town that is so well known for this, it’s become a joke among candidates – “what! You never heard from them either?!?!” That agency has been a terrific source of candidates for me over the years. Their lack of concern for candidates translates to their employees, and people are always unhappy there). People are invariably stunned and hurt by this and everyone takes it personally. How can they not? Are they considered so insignificant the company can’t even send a “thanks but not thanks” email?

Relax. It’s not you, it’s them. Hiring managers love calling to offer jobs but they duck the hard conversations. That phone call just goes to the bottom of the list day after day, until so much time has passed they feel the message has been delivered by their silence. It’s cowardly, unprofessional and rude. It’s also human. No one wants to actually say the words “you weren’t quite right for this job,” or “we found someone who was a more perfect fit,” or “we put the job on hold for a few months and hopefully we’ll be getting back to you.”

So what should you do when you haven’t heard back? If you’ve waited out the allotted time, you’ve given them a gentle nudge or two and you still haven’t heard anything … I hate to tell you, but you didn’t get the job. If they loved you, someone would have called you to let you know. Shake it off and move on. Concentrate your efforts on a company that sees you as a great fit and tells you so, quickly and professionally. Consider yourself lucky you ducked the possibility of working for a manager who hides from hard conversations. And when you’re in a position to hire, remember what this feels like – call those candidates back and let them know when the job is filled!

And let me know … has this ever happened to you?

(Status update: “Tim” landed a great contract position)